“I found myself feeling like a hostage in a cosmic “stick-up” robbed of my logical thought process. I was restless and reckless, disorganized and lethargic, I didn’t work out, I didn’t clean up, I drank a lot of wine and ordered a lot of Chinese food. The typical order and sequence of my mind’s infrastructure eluded me or should I say was alluding to me.”
-WriteQuik (The Calm After The Retrograde.)
This time I said I was going to be ready. I was going in with a plan, I had a mission, and my primary goal was square biz. I already knew from my previous experiences that retrogrades don’t make it easy to shift gears. With that information in mind, I knew that the speed I was moving at would become the cruise-control for how I was going to navigate the next few weeks. Unlike last year, I wasn’t going to wallow around in pinot noir and Chinese take-out. Never the less I knew the last retrograde of the year was nigh, echoing the words of Thanos, “I am evitable,” it swooped in, like a hawk, on the day of the dead.
As Mercury began to backpedal through the cryptic, intense, and sexual waters of Scorpio, I knew the road was open for serendipity and calamity. The most prominent theme that I noticed immediately was a healthy boost in my psychic ability. My energy and frequency were piercing into the roots of anyone or anything on my radar. Like a retro-upgrade, I was hard-wired into the cosmic internet, manifestations at times were instantaneous like a scratch and sniff. How many times did I think about or dream of someone I had not seen in forever, only to run into them later that day or receive a text message. I lost count of how many times I had synchronized texts and identical text messages with my closest of friends. I kept asking myself why do I keep seeing 11:11, or 2:22, 3:33 or 4:44 and then there was the obscure song that was stuck in my head, that just so happens to be playing in my Lyft or at the store while I was shopping or both. It was like I had entered a cheat code on an old Nintendo 64 controller ( C-Up, C-Right, C-Down, A, B, B, B, A, A), access was granted, and I was tuned in. I could now unlock hidden characters, and by that, I mean hidden character.
Along with all this cosmic coincidence, a nigga had feelings. Like tell me how you really feel, feelings, Show me how you really feel, feelings, I can really feel how you feel, and I ain’t feeling that shit, feelings. You feel me? While I was not always sure exactly what I was feeling and where it was coming from, I was sure of what I felt, and I was feeling everything. I was feeling the best, and the worst of long-forgotten emotions rooted deep in the sea of my subconscious. I was feeling the people my relationships and the people around me, both past and present. I couldn’t keep count of how many canceled people that I had reached out to, and how many people I was cool with that I decided to cancel. Whether I was on good terms or not, every available ex in the vicinity was primed to cross my path at the most awkward moments. They were like walking billboards for “hey we kicked it” and “I still exist,” here is a little nostalgia and some bitter-sweet unresolved issues for you to chew on. Some more bitter and some more sweet than others.
“I can’t explain Mercury retrograde. I didn’t think it was a real thing. But…If the bottom falls out yo life and you doing right, it’s Mercury’s bitch ass ova there retrograding and shit!” – African Proverb by way of the southside of Chicago
The cherry on top of this trial by retrograde is the standard cliche of my devices running amuck. My blue-tooth wouldn’t connect in the car, the sound on my laptop became fickle, the heater in my house was temperamental, and did I mention the flat tire? Also, my Lyft account was deactivated, twice, over electronic paperwork technicalities. All these little nuances were time-consuming and frustrating. I felt like I was being tried simply for the sake of being tried. My patience, my finances, my anxiety, and even some personal things I thought I resolved, seemed to be working together for my undoing. I was not sure if I was supposed to break and bitch, or bend and bemoan.
Instead of falling victim to the shenanigans at hand, I took a moment to reflect and spend some time in meditation. Mercury going retrograde will remind you that we are all just a fish in a bowl sometimes. I have learned that retrogrades are fundamentally about control, with the central theme being surrender. When trees are too stubborn to bend to the wind, they break Aesop has a fable about this titled “The Oak and The Reeds.”
My point is sometimes our ideas about control, or the illusion of it needs to be refreshed, reminded, or re-membered. Sometimes we try too hard to force things, be it connection, relationships, success, manifestation, or all four. And we lose sight of the fact that the energy we are attracting is trying to push us in the direction of our true desires. We think because we can’t see the destination and don’t understand the route that our best interest is not at heart. When in truth, all rivers lead to the ocean. Most of the friction we experience, as complications, blockages, or mishaps, are really just our own resistance to the flow of the universe. In other words, you can let the retrograde run you, or you can run with the retrograde. When you free the energy that you have been using to hold on to the illusion of control. You might find that the same energy will become the wind in your sails or the water under your raft, and most of your obstacles will work themselves out.
It was this epiphany that leads me to the caveat of this retrograde, an intense clarity accompanied by a golden and buttery sense of peace. It filled my aura the way brown sugar and cinnamon toast on white bread fresh out of the oven fills the room. I woke up one morning, and my Spotify playlist landed on “Vibrate” by Outkast. I put the track on repeat, and I slipped into a trance. I got my uncoordinated, stiff, and rhythmically challenged black ass out of bed, and I began to dance, and by dance, I mean dance like David did before the Lord with all his might. My body’s movements were a celebration like my body, knew my chariot would soon arrive. I was being pulled by a pure and invisible force, one that I have no desire to name, or even comprehend for that matter. The anxieties that usually tax my mind and spirit became exempt and paid in full. I wasn’t worried about what bill was due, my upcoming flight, holiday season, or how I was going to create multiple passive streams of income. I no longer had worries about my success as a writer and or being validated as a “Creative.” I was just an individual fully realized in the present moment participating in a continuum of infinity. I felt free, and I felt good, and that was enough for me.
My gift is my word, and this word is for you until we retrograde again……Pack Light.